Drawers Anonymous

So I'm sure some of you have heard of the James Jean pen, the SKB SB-1000 0.5mm black ballpoint pen. If you would like to get your hands on the pen, please send an email to cheesecakepie@gmail.com

No, the pen does not give you magic drawing ability, but I like that it doesn't skip, can vary in tone the way a pencil does, and has a nice tone of black. It also comes in red, blue, green and purple, and 0.7mm black.





In other news, this is what I've been doing at work currently. Printing and designing invitations and the like. Usually customers don't allow for very much creativity, ie. they show you an existing design and want you to copy it, or they have very weird taste and you just have to oblige with their love for Comic Sans. I imagine this is akin to when an art director tells you to mimic a popular style or chooses the rough sketch you like the least. I pretty much try to make myself content wherever I am by being creative somehow, whether it be a boring wedding or the subway or a day job. So I've been trying to create some samples that are both economically effective (due to the recession) but aesthetically pleasing at the same time. I really like the look of old engravings or drawings.




And finally a few sketches. I haven't been drawing as much as I should. I drew this doll like girl on the ride home yesterday, with her disproportionately large but lovely head. And I drew a tree trunk during a lunch break the other day, which made me feel really calm.

When it is June, I intend to wake up.

This is a personal piece on the subject of identity and persona. I'm going to use it for the cover of this book of advice I've been writing to myself. The draftsmanship needs work, but I'm looking forward to creating more work. It's been a while since I graduated from school and it's time to take art seriously again.




With the aid of my sister's airbook with photobooth, I drew some misshapen self portraits.




Some subway stuff. Haven't been drawing very much lately. Probably will not be able to do Sketchbook month. I need to find the joy in drawing again.




I need to stop caring what people think. Or should I? I really don't know the answer to that one.

I went to the draw-a-thon. Sometimes it's easy to forget why you do things in the first place. But drawing is a good companion and I remember that now.

So this is the first month in years that I've gone a day or two without drawing. It became obvious that what I had been doing was no longer having any affect on my improvement and therefore became less enjoyable.

I figure it's like an RPG Game: It's very easy to level up at first, but when you hit around level 50, suddenly it seems like you need 154309343 points to get to the next level. And you stay around hitting slimes and turnip plants, well, it's not going to get you very far.

Life is exactly like an RPG game. Just less exciting, and also, you only die once.













Also, I'm on a tentative tv and internet ban. That means that I will watch no tv and will only use the internet to check out some art blogs and my mail. Mostly I go on these bans because I have no sense of self control: I can surf all 564 pages of a thread if nothing really stops me, and I'll watch "24" episodes back to back for
72 hours straight. I don't know if it's that I like being THOROUGH or I just don't know how to impose limitations on myself. Probably both.

Found this photo on Irene Gallo's flickr. That's me standing behind James Jean, looking kind of how I always look - timid, slightly sad, nervous, shoulders hunched. Though especially so last night. More than ever, seeing all the incredible work and the clear success - I felt even more just like a tiny ant in the shadows of giants. And I had somewhat already known that by standing in the shadows of others, I'm not allowing myself to grow. Out of fear. And all I can do is admire from a vertical distance, instead of trying to become something myself.

Hopefully though, this is the year of change.

1/16/09 - R.I.P Andrew Wyeth

I don't have much of an update as I haven't been doing much of late and the stuff I am doing, I'm not fond of.

And also I made a vow not to self-deprecate in public but it seems like I use it as an excuse - I feel better if I put myself down first before anyone else may have the chance. Then it's more like, "well, I told you so," instead of Nelson from the Simpsons going, "Haw-haw."

But that's just my fragile ego talking. I want to believe that I can do this. But damn, it's hard.







El Subway



Doodle after Ingres drawing



A doodle I did a while ago at work. Taped it onto my sketchbook.


I try to believe that endeavors in art is not just a bunch of ego-stroking or wanting applause. I don't know why but I ask myself WHY do I want to do this? And I want to do it for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. The reasons may be selfish but heck, if it's this difficult and frustrating and misery-inducing, then why shouldn't it be? Or am I looking at it from the wrong end? I should be enjoying making art but after page after page of awful drawings lately....

I feel so confused and lost.
But I cannot give up.

In brighter news, I am finally done (just one more page left) with this sketchbook of ugly paper I started some two and half months ago to punish myself. It pretty much rejects all media and pen barely shows on the dark surface. I had to lighten these pictures quite a bit just so it'd show. But it's appropriate - my sketchbooks often reflect mood. And I've been in so ugly a mood lately.

Hope to cheer up soon, stop whining, and do more work.